Artist, Photographer, Writer, Dreamer…

“You must do the thing, which you think you cannot do.”  -Eleanor Roosevelt

This post is for my fellow Flying Lessons, peeps.  I decided to make a little twist on Kelly’s art prompt for Week 1: Facing Our Fears, and I created these, instead:

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‘Tis true for me to be afraid of change, and to play small.  To hide, to be invisible, to camouflage myself into a crowd.  As if I’m safe in my invisibility.  But the truth is, I know that being invisible and anonymous is lonely.  As I socially withdraw, I dwell so much in my imagination which tends to send me down the rabbit hole.  So quick to be repelled by convention, I see myself as a rebellious outsider – never to be seen or understood by anyone.  But this leaves me feeling like something is profoundly wrong with me, and on a lifelong search for self.  I’m lonely, even when I’m close to people I love.

I just want to unfurl and find my significance.  Without children and being somewhat of a gypsy, I wonder what is the point.  I wonder what is my offering, and to whom?

As I take the time to indulge in creative endeavors, I feel my heart open up and my soul set free.  I don’t know why.  Sometimes I get so tired of words – so predictable and repetitive.  Drawing, painting, photographing and editing give expression to deeper parts of me.  When I sit down to paint, there is usually no agenda – because I’ve learned that my agenda is not of much value in this process.

I lay a background down, often with torn up pages of a dictionary, and like clouds in the sky, I start to see shapes and images of what I am commanded to paint.  And so, I do.  These are the pieces that seem to resonate with people most.  I’ve heard artists say things along these lines, that art is bigger than them.  Frankly, I used to think they were nuts.  But art is bigger than us.  Sometimes I feel a conduit of others emotions, if not just my own.

This art, that comes from the heart, is where I intend to dwell.  It’s where my fears tend to cease, because I know it is not my own.

I’ve always loved this quote by Marianne Williamson, that Kelly Rae Roberts posted:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

And so, stepping out of the shadows will always be a quest for me.  I hope it will be yours, too.

Related posts:

Why I Befriended the Outcasts and Misfits
Expectation is the Root of All Heartache
{ Abrahamic Tests and Wandering Souls }
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