The last day and a half I’ve been in the biggest funk. I received an email that literally just shut me down (I’d so like to think that I’m above that). In reflection, I realize it wasn’t the email that shut me down – that just happened to be what pushed me over the edge. I had set myself up for failure over the preceding weeks, and it was bound to happen. The email was inconsequential.
With the quickly approaching release of my first chronicle in my memoirs, I’ve just been a ball of stress and emotions. I’ve been over analyzing every little technical detail as far as how it should be released… like, release it on this blog, or create a new one? How should it look and feel? What should the domain name be? Do I let just anyone read it or do they have to be a subscriber? And on, and on.
While these technical details are important – it’s the content that will prove to be most important. And I’ve been covering up fears of my writing being good enough with technical details. While I’ve told myself I can’t release it yet because I don’t have these technical details in place, the truth is, I’m not even sure which chronicle to release first. I’ve re-written all the chronicles that I have so far, over and over again.
When I get in such a funk, I realize that I just need to step away for awhile. When you are in the forest, you can’t see the entirety of the trees. So I took a step back and read. That’s what I do. That’s what inspires me. I was drawn to Siddartha.
Siddartha was written by Herman Hesse, originally in German in 1951 and is about the spiritual journey of a boy named Siddartha. Siddartha’s name is made up of two Sanskrit words, meaning: he who has found meaning of existence.
Do you ever have books on your list to read for years before you ever get to them? And then when you finally do, you are absolutely amazed at how perfectly you needed that book at that moment in your life? This is that for me now. I’ve been able to escape for a couple of hours, forgot all pending deadlines, and just absorb myself into this fascinating book.
I’m ready to walk back into the woods…