Mark:  (offers me a sip of his slurpee)

Me:  (jokingly appalled) Are you offering me sugar during my sugar detox?

Mark:  Yes.  Just one sip.

Me:  There is never ‘just one’ with me.  I don’t work that way.  I’m an all or nothing kind of gal.  If I took one sip, I’d drink the whole thing and then I’d go straight to hell.

Mark:  Then I’ll follow you there.  We’ll kick Satan out and it will be our own little paradise.


While I was able to resist the slurpee, I proved myself right later in the week.  For our anniversary we went to Outback for dinner and I allowed myself the treat of the irresistible coconut shrimp.  There could only be a little bit of sugar in that dipping sauce – and not much gluten in the batter.  And we haven’t eaten out this nice in so long…

After devouring the shrimp with pure delight, I received my gluten free (and sugar free) ribs.  You ever try eating sauce-free ribs?  There are the ribs, plainly sitting on their plate like an unwanted outcast, not even attempting to beg to be eaten.  They acknowledge that they wouldn’t even eat them.  But I do try.

And after that first hopeless bite that I knew wouldn’t turn out well, I say out loud, “what a sad, sad existence.”

Mark nods his head and asks, “what?”

I answer, “To be gluten and sugar free for your whole life.  I mean, who eats ribs without sauce?  What’s the point?”  I suddenly understood why my nieces and nephews all went through their stages of dipping their fry in ketchup and only licking the ketchup off, or the carrot in ranch dressing, and only licking the ranch off. That barbecue sauce was all I wanted in that moment.  Please, take away the ribs.  Just bring me the barbecue sauce.

So out came the sauce.  And onto the ribs it was generously slathered.  And it was so, so good.

And then there was the movie theater last night.

That warm buttery, salty popcorn with those chocolaty M&M’s is such a winning combination, I thought.  I’ve already messed up royally…

And so it goes.

There is never ‘just one’ with me.

I’m an all or nothing kind of gal.  Perfectly strong for six weeks, and then, BAM!  One exception, and all will power is lost.

So when I fall off the wagon, there is no telling when I’ll finally get back on, if ever.

I sure hope that hellish paradise is an option…

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